Why don’t they get it?

Have you ever felt that when you trying talk but no one listens? The people you are talking to, “they just don’t get your point!”

Feeling frustrated, anxiety level rises, heart pounding away. When that happens, the primary self defensive mechanism is activated. In this position, start losing ability to hear anything else other than own voice. Still feeling frustrated. The only recourse is to power down. That is stop talking all together. A second level defence mechanism kicks in to prevent further serious damage to self. Sometimes, in fact more often than not, one can stay in power down mode for several hours. During this period, the auxiliary defense mechanism also kicks in where one would pretend that nothing is bothering them. An invisible shield is up. Travelling in stealth mode. Avoidance becomes the primary strategy.

Leaving the situation in such a state is not healthy. These unresolved feelings or issues will eventually come back and haunt you. It will probably come back in a different shape or form, unrecognized at first. It is very likely that one will react the same way over again. And the cycle continues.


I came across this from an Agile conference. The presenter referenced the Golden Rule of Compassion which simply says:

Do to others what you would like to be done to you. Do not do to others what you would not like to be done to you.

He also added and said we should also:

Do to others what the others would like to be done on to them. Do not do to others what the others would not like to be done to themselves.

To me this is about treating people with empathy and reciprocity and also with respect and decency. As a reminder, in addition to talking, I need to listen to others more. I need to pay attention to others need more. I need to see their needs, their concerns, and their pain first before I can convey my message to the words that is welcomed by them.

I am far far away from being able to do that consistently, but I think it is a worth while thing to try.

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